Category Archives: Ramblings, Rants, & WTF

Mother Nature…

Let your rain pour all over me…

as I let her soak into my every pore…

drench me in every ounce of…you…

wash away my tears…tears of yesterday and tears of today…

wash it…take it…all away…

quench my thirst of just being one with…

laying on the saturated grass barefooted and all…

laying as mother nature does her thing…

covet me…

engulfing me…feelings…ignite my senses …electrifying my nerves…

I WANT MORE…

my mind…my body…my spirit…my soul…my all… has been touched

JUST LET ME SOAK IT UP…

you can feel deep within… softness like a rose…piercing like needles…

quite enough as she speaks to you…all who wants to listen…

pay attention…

feel her sensation of just being…

once you lay with her…let her rain on you…

you will never be the same…a change that can’t and never will be explained …

just experience it…

you will look forward…to her…

Mother Nature Rain…

Plunge Me In…

Plunge me in the river Jordan….

Baptize , Submerge me in the depths of all its faiths …That has been before me…

All love…No hate…

Lets get out of this ill state…We are all in…

Lift me up cleanse me from the filth …Lift me out of the hate of our worlds fate…

Take my clothes off my back…Take all my belongings…

Take what you need from me..take it all…burn it…

Nothing left to hide…Nothing left to bare …And I don’t fucking care…

Fire intensifies …Hair on my arms are burning …

You took everything even the ones I had on…

You pushed me…Into the flames…

It’s just me…My soul…

Close your eyes …Tell me what you see…

Touch my body…What do you feel…

Touch my chest…Do you feel it beating?…

Like a Phoenix rises from its ashes…

I rise again…

 

 

 

*Picture from Google….

 

 

 

Die Devil Die…

Just as you plan your day and feel ok all hell breaks loose as I fall to your bed and crumble in a ball your brain overloaded…. sensors going off as I just want to jump off….Don’t get to close to the edge…. I just might… .take a leap a leap of faith maybe today maybe tomorrow all of this sorrow all this pain will fade away as I pray to take it away…As I sit and wait to get on the sea saw of life it all starts again….. like Satan with an evil grin ..I return while you are awake I return as you try to sleep with evil laughter he states I won’t give you breaks only give you possibility of more than you can take… again evil nights evil days same time same place…. I am here to take the place…. of once was your happiness the things you once enjoyed to only remind you of what once was could never be… I am a prisoner of this disease….. I look in the mirror and to the horror it’s ME with the evil grin and red eyes …awake or in dream land and can’t escape… what is real what is fake…. this pain is present for Gods sake…. I drop to my knees with nothing left I am done… don’t want to go on…. where did I put the fucking gun…while my head spins sweat pours down me I can’t take this where is the door… I want to run… I want to hide… why don’t I just die… Evilness of this disease why me..should I had even asked….the evil grin and red eyes are back I feel it… it hurts all over ..there is a monster inside of me..it’s Satan… or so I thought……. It’s just me and my pain of this disease …same time same place ..please take me to that happy place…if only for 5 minutes or 10 I will take what relief I can…..I guess that I will just put on that fake azz smile once again…another day another night….a prisoner trapped in my own self a self I have grown to hate……..

I want to thank my Dear friend https://sheldonkleemanartworks.com/

Please check out his amazing work at the above link….He is the reason, inspiration behind this blog post..Without you Mr Sheldon this blog post would not had happened …Thank you from the bottom of my heart…

Suzette

IGNORANCE is NOT BLISS..I/WE/US..

“And some people around you only make things worse”….. How TRUE this statement is.. I know when I am at my WORST I try to stay to MYSELF since I could GO OFF at any given moment and I really DON’T want to HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS…(I HAVE CONTROL)most of the TIME…. BUT when the PAIN you have is so INTENSE ALL RULES go OUT the DOOR and no matter how HARD you TRY to keep your KOOL you’ve done LOST IT…WE all should KNOW by NOW how PAIN DIFFERS from one PERSON to ANOTHER even WITH the SAME MEDICATIONS..Some people just DON’T GET IT!!! .. that NO good for NOTHING scale they use you know the one with the SMILE face on it.. YEAH WELL Sometimes when I hurt I can still PUT ON that fake azz SMILE ( I am good at that) & I’m sure others are just as good at it too…At times..I/WE/US.. have to be…
But other times if one could really hear the SCREAMS that are going on in my HEAD and how ALONE I feel PHYSICALLY,MENTALLY it EFFECTS the WHOLE BODY and know that I am doing EVERYTHING to FIGHT BACK the TEARS and knowing I would LIKE to BREAK things or BANG my HEAD AGAINST a BRICK WALL !!!… I sometimes JUST CRY in the shower that way no one can tell (being wet) or when I wash my face in the morning/night OH I just got SOAP in my eyes…. I’m LUCKY to have a SUPPORT system like I have…MANY DON’T….. I CAN CRY,SCREAM,SHOUT and just be QUITE if I NEED…..THEY are here for ME….
I remember when SO CALLED FAMILY would ask how I was doing(THEY NEVER CALLED ME or ASKED ME..THEY would ASK my MOM) HOW NICE HUH??!!. WE are HAPPY to HAVE THEM ALL OUT of OUR LIFE!!!…..If ANYONE TELLS ME that EVERYTHING is OK or it’s NOT THAT BAD and it will PASS or it’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD that you can’t BE that SICK and in PAIN ALL THE TIME or well you TAKE pain MEDICATION that should be ENOUGH!!..( I WILL BASH HEADS TOGETHER!!!!)…I GET this ALL the TIME from IGNORANT/CLUELESS HEARTLESS/MOTHERFUCKERS >>>> I know IF I TOOK what YOUR taking I WOULD be KNOCKED OUT and PASSED out IN BED… So YOUR SITTING here so it must NOT be THAT BAD….I/WE/US>>> NEED to GET RID of the NEGATIVE ONES IN OUR LIFE!!..THEY are the ONES that MAKE things WORSE..THEY wear ROSE COLORED SUNGLASSES so that EVERYTHING THEY SEE is FINE (IN the WORLD THEY LIVE IN)and try to put FORTH LIES about OUR LIFE SAYING I’m NOT ILL..or WE are NOT ILL…..I/WE/US NEED to GET RID OF these NARROW minded PEOPLE…Ones like these ARE NOT worth HAVING IN and AROUND US..I have LEARNED that these PEOPLE and MANY others are almost the LEAST EDUCATED/BIG AZZ DUMB FUCKERS(or in short what I call them( DFers) when it comes to INVISIBLE CHRONIC ILLNESSES but THEY THINK that THEY are the MOST EDUCATED …What BREAKS MY HEART is that YOU tell them what all YOU have and all THEY say is OH (SHOWING THEY DON’T CARE) told MANY to LOOK it UP on the INTERNET!!..And I get I will LATER) I know THIS NEVER happens SINCE when WE would see or THEY call mom THEY would ASK HER>>>WHATS wrong with SUZETTE HOW CAN SHE STILL BE ILL>>like a FUCKING RECORD PLAYER…if THEY TAKE the TIME to LOOK up the INFORMATION that was told in the first place THEY WOULD KNOW..

IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS……….

ALSO:….
I/WE/US>>> CAN’T JUDGE one persons chronic PAIN level with ANOTHER persons chronic pain level or PAIN in general EVERYONE FEELS PAIN DIFFERENTLY as well as others RESPOND DIFFERENT to it. What WORKS for ONE person may NOT work FOR the OTHER or as well as the other but SAME MEDICATION again everyone response differently to pain and medications given out…..
So with all these INVISIBLE CHRONIC ILLNESSES out in OUR world TRY hard NOT to JUDGE ..when you THINK you see a PERFECTLY fine person getting OUT of the CAR that is PARKED in the HANDICAPPED space JUST try to REMEMBER they ALSO maybe SUFFERING in SILENCE……LIKE… I….WE…US…

ALSO:…. I/WE/US>>> have ENOUGH NEGATIVE  PEOPLE and THINGS that go ON IN OUR LIFE ..LETS BRING IN MORE POSITIVE and LEAVE the NEGATIVE GARBAGE for TRASH DAY..

 

 

Prince is dead…

Prince is dead at the young age of 57….

I am in shock!!! I am at a loss for words …He was just on IG posting pictures ..

I mean I wasn’t a huge, huge fan I loved his hit songs and the others were pretty deep lyrics ..I think he was very talented man and a mystery as well….

How and why ??? and will it come in 3’s ???

Yes I could say so much more on this post but I will just leave it like it is…

Please comment as you find out more information on his death… I just think he was to young and I heard he led a healthy lifestyle soooooo….

R I P  PRINCE….